Donor Card

The post man has been very kind to me this week, with numerous packages of clothes that don’t fit and will never get sent back as I’m too lazy and my donor card (yep everything bar the eyes because how am I supposed to haunt people when I’m gone). This instantly makes me feel like a better person (donor card trumps any eco sod who recycle or those who use eco friendly cars), but sadly this is not the case as I’m still a poor excuse for a human being.


My new donor card posed a couple of questions, firstly should I finally decide to take care of myself so someone could actually have a useable organ, most certainly not as my life revolves around Cheerios, Seinfeld and del boy style drinks, so alas there just simply isn’t any time to be active or healthy.


The second being that I personally feel that your donor card should come with a internationally recognised get out of jail free card, I know what you’re thinking but with such a good should come the ultimate perk. Drunk and disorderly, fighting, social faux par and just any form of frowned upon mishaps that you may have committed, flash that little blue card and BOOM instantly off the hook. It should act as symbol to any form of authority that yes I have a tendency to be dick but really I’m A-OK.


Surely if this came as a part of the deal when signing up they wouldn’t need to show those disturbing adverts anymore and maybe the NHS might even have abundance of organs or least enough surplus to create some sort organ Frankenstein to scare small children and nurses.

Always Pizza

Now I love my grub much like most men and today I thought I would cheer myself up after a disappointing day and, with a even more disappointing score line (you know what I’m talking about). It was a tossup between Thai or Pizza and I love them both a lot, Thai won as I wasn’t feeling naughty enough for pizza.

Now I flicked through the menu in my usual flippant manner, ticking about 15 things branding everything I didn’t tick as just one step up from something regurgitated, then I realise that I am just one person and not a small family or some sort of wobbly heffa. So I whittled it down to a couple of dishes but opted for something completely different as I was feeling foolishly adventuress (FOOLISHLY).


Now my point is that when your meal is the last thing to thing to look forward to out of an otherwise rubbish day and acting as some sort of comfort, stick to what you know and you wouldn’t left like me right now sitting the with some sort of tofu thing and some over thing with too much lemongrass and worst of all I hate tofu and have no idea why I tried to convince myself otherwise.


Always pizza, what was I thinking!!!